The Mandate-Wardrobe: A Guide to Adjusting Your Pants for Optimal Leg-Length Irregularities

Are your pants just a little too short? Do they have that "I'm-trying-too-hard-to-be-cool-but-failed" feel? Fear not, friend! Welcome to the Mandate-Wardrobe, where we'll guide you through the art of adjusting your pants for maximum leg-length irregularity.

Step 1: The Initial Sizing

1. Measure your inseam. Yes, it's a real word. Don't @ me.
2. Determine your desired level of leg-length irregularity. On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being "I just wanna look normal" and 10 being "I'll take a pants-length that's roughly the same size as my personality."

Step 2: The Alteration

1. Grab a pair of scissors. Not those fancy-schmancy ones, either. The kind that'll give you a decent cut.
2. Cut a hole in your pants. Don't worry, it's not like you're gonna need those pants for, say, a job interview or anything.
3. Stretch it out. Not too much. You don't want to end up like that one guy from Step 3: The Stretching.